Do you want to have relationships with our children that are full of joy, cooperation, harmony, and, most of all, mutual respect? Of course, you do! And here is a very simple yet super powerful parenting hack for you – make time for your kids.
I’m not talking about just sitting in the same room with them while they watch TV. I’m talking about a real, quality time where you’re present, engaged, and focused on them.
It’s called Special Time, and it’s a game-changer.
Yes, I know you’re busy. Yes, I know you have a million other things to do. But here is the thing. By making Special Time a regular part of your routine, you’re not only improving your relationship with your children, you’re also helping them develop into confident, independent, and empathetic human beings.
As part of my Wise Parenting Project, I decided to commit to having regular Special Time with my three little boys for a month.
And it’s been such a fantastic experience! I’ve learned that even just a few minutes of focused attention can make a world of difference in my kids’ behaviour and our overall relationship.
Here are a few things I learned along the way.
What is Special Time?
Special time is a parenting practice that involves setting aside dedicated one-on-one time with each of your children on a regular basis.
During this time, you engage in activities that your child enjoys and that allow for deep, meaningful connection and bonding. Whether it’s roughhousing, building Legos, or having a deep conversation while strolling in a park, the key is to be fully present with your child and to create a safe, loving space where they feel seen, heard, and valued.
Stephen Covey calls it “One-on-one bonding time”. Larry Cohen refers to it as ‘PlayTime’. You can call it ‘Funtime Rendezvous’ or whatever comes to your mind and sparks the desire to put your stuff on hold and connect with your child. Just do it.
Why Bother?
Special time is not only a way to strengthen your relationship with your children, but it also fosters healthy development by promoting creativity, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation. Ultimately, special time is a simple yet powerful way to show your children that they are loved and cherished and to create lasting memories that will stay with them for a lifetime.
Special Time – My Top 5 Takeaways
When I set out to implement regular special time sessions with my three boys, I was confronted with two major hurdles that I had to overcome.
The first was how to keep my other two kids entertained so they don’t interrupt our one-on-one time with their brother. And the second was how to find the time to fit in three Special Times a day amidst the chaos of work, school, and the million other things vying for my attention.
But I knew that as a family, we were all about problem-solving. So I put on my thinking cap and got to work. And you know what? I found a way to make it happen.
Here’s what I learned along the way.
1. It doesn’t have to be complicated
Spending quality time with your kids doesn’t have to be a big, elaborate production. It can be as simple as reading a book or taking a walk together. The important thing is that you’re focused on your child and doing something that your child – and hopefully, you, too – enjoy. Just follow your child’s lead.
2. It’s about quality, not quantity
Special time doesn’t have to take hours. Even just 10-15 minutes of focused attention can make a big impact. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give your child your undivided attention. It’s incredible how much can be accomplished in a short amount of time when you’re fully present.
3. Playful Parenting mindset makes it more fun
As Larry Cohen highlights in his book, Playful Parenting is an approach to raising children that emphasizes the importance of play for both parents and kids. It’s about connecting with your children on a deeper level, building trust and confidence, and having fun along the way. In short, that’s how you can make the most out of 15 minutes of Special Time. And trust me, it really works. So make Playful Parent your new alter ego.
4. It improves kids’ behaviour and cooperation
Your children need your attention just like flowers need the sun to grow. When you deeply engage with your child during Special Time, you make them feel seen and valued. And when they feel connected to you, they’re more likely to exhibit better behaviour and cooperate with you. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved. Connection always leads to cooperation.
I often hear a question after Special Time dates, “Can I help you with anything?” And it melts my heart.
5. You have to commit but be flexible
I tried the whole “15-20 minutes of Special Time a day” thing, but it just didn’t work for us. So, I shifted gears and set a different goal – one weekly session of Special Time and spontaneous daily “connection moments” with each child.
Now, I know what you’re thinking – “But isn’t that less than what the experts recommend?” Sure, it is. But again, it’s not about the quantity of time you spend with your children, it’s about the quality of that time.
So don’t stress about the clock. Set a goal that works for you and your family, and go deep in those moments of connection.
The Bottom Line
Having regular special time with your children is one of the best things you can do for them and for yourself. It doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming, but the benefits are enormous.
That’s an investment in your relationship with your kids. And trust me, that investment pays off in spades.
Loads of love,
Irina
