Positive psychologists say that having a life purpose is essential for our wellbeing. Actually, it is a secret ingredient of a happy and successful life. That’s why if we want to give our children an excellent start in life, we need to teach them the art of living purposefully right from early childhood.
When we have a life purpose that is deeply intrinsic and authentic, it becomes our WHY and literally energizes our existence. It becomes the internal source of motivation to wake up every morning and make our dreams come true. It makes us unstoppable. But the process of developing the purpose in life is a journey.
What all parents can learn from Jane Goodall’s mom
Naturalist Jane Goodall is a legend.
In summer 1960, she travelled from England to Tanzania, where she was about to start her research on the little-known world of wild chimpanzees. That was the moment when her childhood dream of travelling to Africa and living amongst animals was about to come true. Now, pretty much everything that we know about chimpanzees is based on Jane’s research.
Over the last 60 years, she devoted her life to showing the world the urgent need to protect these primates from extinction and raising awareness of the environmental crisis. In fact, Jane redefined species conservation to include the needs of the local people and the environment.
What an incredible human being she is! In her talks, books, and interviews, Jane highlights that she would not have become the person she is now without her mother’s support. Jane acknowledges that it was her mom, who helped her develop a scientific mind, kept the fire of curiosity burning and supported her dream about Africa:
So get this: four-and-half-years-old Jane was really curious about where the eggs came from. How do they come out of a hen? Obviously, there was no Google and YouTube at that time, so the only way to find out was to witness it. So little Jane decided to follow the hens into the chicken coop, hide there and wait until a hen laid an egg. As you can imagine, it didn’t happen immediately – she had to spend four hours there to get her answer. And she didn’t give up. ☺
In the meantime, while Jane’s curiosity kept her in the chicken coop, her family was searching for her around the entire farm. It was getting late, and everyone was getting quite worried. But when Jane’s mom saw her emerging from the chicken coop, instead of expressing all her anger (as probably most of the parents would do), she was delighted to see her daughter and listened carefully to the story about the miracle of life.
Jane’s mom realized that she had this burning desire to learn and shared her child’s excitement. Her reaction showed to the little girl: stay curious and explore! The emotional effect was so strong that Jane still remembers this story now (70 years after!).
“I realize now I had the making of a scientist—curiosity, not being afraid to make a mistake, and patience. With a different mother, those skills might have been crushed,”
she recalls in an interview with The National.
Jane’s Path to Purpose started with a simple fascination with animals and curiosity. Then she came across “The Story of Doctor Doolittle” by Hugh Lofting and “Tarzan of the Apes” by Edgar Rice Burrows and absolutely fell in love with Africa. Jane read the stories from cover to cover and firmly decided that she would travel to Africa one day, live there with the wild animals, and write a book about them. That became her dream and ultimate goal.
However, Jane Goodall grew up during the time when the most common career pathway for a young woman was a successful marriage and motherhood. Really ambitious ladies could become nurses or secretaries, but rarely scientists. Moreover, a trip to Africa was a really expensive adventure. Coming from a middle-class family, Jane could not even afford to go to a university. So whenever she shared her dream with others, they laughed at her and suggested dreaming about something a bit more achievable.
But here comes Jane’s mom again, who didn’t laugh at her dream but instead was very supportive:
“What my mother said to me is what I say to young people all around the world: ‘If there’s something you really want, you’re going to have to work really hard and take advantage of [opportunities] and above all, never give up.’”
And that’s what she did!
Jane’s story demonstrates that one of the biggest gifts parents can give to their children is helping them develop a growth mindset and grit. Another significant gift we can give them is our support in developing and pursuing their dreams. And that’s the key to a happy and fulfilled life.
Parenting for purpose – how parents can help children develop a sense of purpose in life
Research shows that it’s hard to have a happy and productive life without a life purpose. And a life purpose is not something that falls on you from the sky one day. It comes from active discovery and exploration.
In a nutshell, our sense of purpose in life is deeply rooted in our passion. Passion develops from interests. Interests develop from curiosity. And curiosity is deeply grounded in our mindset. And guess who has a profound effect on all this life purpose development process?
PARENTS, of course! Other people around may influence as well, but as one of the leading scholars on human development William Damon states – the family is the first source of purpose for children.
In his book “The path to purpose” (check out the notes), Damon shares a powerful idea: though parents can’t choose or create a sense of purpose in life for their kids, they have plenty of options to help them develop it from within.
So here are nine practical tips from Damon on how to do it:
- Listen closely for the spark, then fan the flames. Every child has a “spark” (or few) of interest. We need to listen for them and then help fan the flames of potential meaning. A simple way to put it into practice is to ask your children what they are interested in.
- Take advantage of regular opportunities to open a dialogue. Use every “micro-occasion” to ask your child about his opinion about the topic or any other question that would trigger reflection. And remember, a dialogue is two-way communication.
- Be open-minded and supportive of the sparks of interest expressed. We can’t choose a purpose or an interest for our children. We need to embrace what fires them up (even if it seems weird for us) and support them in developing these interests (without being pushy). Jane Goodall’s mom is a great example.
- Convey your own sense of purpose and the meaning you derive from your work. We should lead by example and share with our children our own goals and a sense of purpose.
- Impart wisdom about the practicalities in life. Children can’t get real-world knowledge in school, so they rely on parents to help them create a vision of what’s possible and how to turn their dreams into practical action.
- Introduce children to potential mentors. Once we see the spark of interest in a child, we can help them by introducing them to mentors who can inspire and may even support them in their mission in whatever way they can.
- Encourage an entrepreneurial attitude. An entrepreneurial spirit is one of the main predictors of success in life. That’s about “I can do it!” attitude and a growth mindset ☺
- Nurture a positive outlook. Optimism and a positive outlook are essential for success. That’s about helping our children build a strong sense of self-confidence and understand how much control they have over the outcome.
- Instill in children a feeling of agency linked to responsibility. “Whatever you do in this world matters.” Agency is basically a sense of empowerment and a feeling that you can positively impact the world. And if we mix it with a sense of responsibility, we teach our children that they are “interesting and capable”. One of the best ways to do it is to let them do chores (note: let your child pick chores every week).
In short, be interested in your children, talk to them, support any of their interests (don’t forget about your values, though), encourage a growth mindset and lead by example. ☺
So a key takeaway for today: helping children develop their noble purpose in life is one of the main parenting tasks. And the questions for you today are:
- What makes your child tick?
- How can you help them to develop this interest further?
Cheers to a purposeful life!
Loads of love,
Irina and Dawid
