When it comes to building successful relationships, expressing gratitude plays a major role.
We all know that any successful relationship is hard work, but unfortunately, just a few of us put this knowledge into action. Busy lives, stress, and commitments make it hard to focus on what really matters.
One of the biggest mistakes most of us make is that we take our loved ones for granted. And the worst thing – we don’t even notice it much until it’s too late! Lack of appreciation can slowly ruin our relationships over time.
That’s why if you want to have successful relationships in your life, always start with appreciating your significant ones. Gratitude makes a big difference, and it can take your relationships to the next level.
So whether you are looking for improving your romantic relationship or relationships with your kids, here is one simple exercise to try.
Thanks Giving Journal
I came across this exercise in The Compound Effect book by Darren Hardy (get the book here or check out our notes).
On one Thanksgiving day, Darren decided to start a “Thanks Giving Journal”. Every day for the entire year, he was logging at least one thing he appreciated about his wife.
Every single day. For a year. Yep.
Darren writes that it literally changed his marriage:
“When I gave it to her the following Thanksgiving, she cried, calling it the best gift she’d ever received. (Even better than the BMW I’d given her for her birthday!) The funny thing was that the person most affected by this gift was me. All that journaling forced me to focus on my wife’s positive aspects. I was consciously looking for all the things she was doing “right.” That heartfelt focus overwhelmed anything I might have otherwise complained about. I fell deeply in love with her all over again (maybe even more than ever, as I was seeing subtleties in her nature and behavior instead of her more obvious qualities). My appreciation, gratitude, and intention to find the best in her was something I held in my heart and eyes each day. This caused me to show up differently in my marriage, which, of course, made her respond differently to me. Soon, I had even more things to write in my Thanks Giving journal! As a result of choosing to take a mere five minutes every day or so to document all the reasons why I was grateful for her, we experienced one of the best years of our marriage, and it’s only gotten better.”
So simple and so powerful.
Of course, I decided to put it into practice immediately and started my very own “Thanks Giving Journal”. I created a note on my phone and, for the next month, logged at least one thing I appreciated about Dawid or something I was grateful for that day.
On our wedding anniversary, I wrapped all my words of appreciation into a lovely presentation with pictures and presented it to Dawid. I must say, the effect was pretty much the same as Darren describes 🙂
A booster shot for a relationship
Of course, I was interested in digging deeper and seeing if there is any interesting research on how gratitude affects our romantic relationships. And get this: science backs up Darren’s findings! Multiple studies have shown that gratitude helps us initiate, maintain and strengthen our relationships.
For example, in a 2010 study, Dr Sara B. Algoe with her colleagues asked 67 couples to do daily gratitude journaling for 2 weeks. Every evening each participant had to write down their own and their partner’s thoughtful actions, their emotional response to interactions with their partner, and that day’s relationship well-being. One of their key findings was that gratitude led to increased relationship connection and satisfaction the following day for both recipient and benefactor. They concluded that gratitude has “uniquely predictive power in relationship promotion, perhaps acting as a booster shot for the relationship.“
Another interesting study evaluated the effects of gratitude on loving “relationship maintenance” behaviours. The researchers looked at how gratitude influences positive behaviours towards the other half over time. They found that gratitude creates a positive upward spiral of reciprocal caring behaviour. In a nutshell:
- When we perceive our partner’s behaviour as being responsive to our needs, we feel grateful;
- That feeling of gratitude then motivates us to behave responsively back to our partner’s needs;
- When our partner perceives our reciprocal loving behaviour, they feel grateful as well.
And it creates a positive cycle that, with time, improves the relationship quality.
Ready to try?
Gratitude challenge – take your relationships to the next level
If you are ready for a challenge, there is no need to wait for Thanksgiving day ☺ You can start today!
And it’s super easy – here are the instructions:
- Grab a journal (or create a note on your phone);
- Every day, log at least one thing you appreciate about your partner (or your child).
That’s it.
Do this every day for the next month, or you can challenge yourself and do it as Darren for a year.
Look for the things your spouse is doing that touched you or revealed attributes, characteristics, or qualities you appreciate in him/her.
Made you a coffee? Log it! Took care of the kids while you went out with your friends for the first time in years? Log it! Told you a funny joke? Log it!
Remind yourself that you are 100% responsible for your relationships! And just do it. Make it a lifelong habit.
Here is a little worksheet you can use:
You can download a PDF worksheet here:
Things I appreciate about you PDF
At the end of the month, you can give it to your loved one as it is or use your creative skills to turn it into a presentation (like I did).
Of course, you are more than welcome to express your gratitude to your other half daily – this will make your relationship even stronger!
This simple gratitude exercise will take you no more than 5 minutes a day. But your relationships will blossom!
P.S.: this can be a very thoughtful and unique present for St. Valentine’s day! Who is up for a challenge?
Loads of love,
Irina (and Dawid ☺)
