Flourish. Book Summary.
A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier
Martin Seligman
Nicholas Brealey Publishing (5 April 2011)
About The Author
Martin Seligman, PhD, is the author of the bestseller Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism, among others. His work in Positive Psychology has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, the National Science Foundation, the Rover Wood Johnson Foundation, Atlantic Philanthropies, and the MacArthur Foundation. He is the Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and lives near Philadelphia with his family.
About The Book
This book builds on Dr Seligman’s game-changing work on optimism, motivation, and character to show how to get the most out of life, unveiling the new theory of what makes a good life – for individuals, communities, and nations:
“This book will help you flourish. There, I have finally said it.
I have spent my professional life avoiding unguarded promises like this one. I am a research scientist, and a conservative one at that. The appeal of what I write comes from the fact that it is grounded in careful science: statistical tests, validated questionnaires, thoroughly researched exercises, and large, representative samples. In contrast to pop psychology and the bulk of self-improvement, my writings are believable because of the underlying science.”
Marty Seligman is one of the founders of the Positive Psychology movement. Traditionally, the goal of psychology has been to relieve human suffering, but the goal of the Positive Psychology movement is different – it’s about actually raising the bar for the human condition.
In this book, Seligman distils all the important research in the field and shares very practical ideas on how we ALL can flourish in life. In the book, he also talks about how governments, educators and businesses can utilise this knowledge.
The book is packed with wisdom, and we definitely recommend it to everyone who is interested in living their best lives ☺ For now, let’s jump into our favourite ideas that you can apply straight away. And flourish!
Key insights:
Authentic Happiness vs Well-Being Theory
“I used to think that the topic of positive psychology was happiness, that the gold standard for measuring happiness was life satisfaction, and that the goal of positive psychology was to increase life satisfaction. I now think that the topic of positive psychology is well-being, that the gold standard for measuring well-being is flourishing, and that the goal of positive psychology is to increase flourishing. This theory, which I call well-being theory, is very different from authentic happiness theory, and the difference requires explanation.”
Happiness is the ultimate goal for everyone. And Seligman’s first book, Authentic Happiness, has actually launched the revolutionary new science of Positive Psychology.
But in this book, Seligman shifts the focus of positive psychology from authentic happiness to the well-being concept, which is a bit more complex. Here is the difference:
|
Authentic Happiness Theory |
Well-Being Theory |
| Topic: Happiness | Topic: Well-Being |
| Measure: Life satisfaction | Measure: positive emotion, engagement, meaning, positive relationships, and accomplishment |
| Goal: Increase life satisfaction | Goal: increase flourishing by increasing positive emotion, engagement, meaning, positive relationships, and accomplishment |
So it’s time to shift our attention from happiness to well-being. One important takeaway from the new theory – acronym PERMA.
PERMA
“Here then is well-being theory: well-being is a construct; and well-being, not happiness, is the topic of positive psychology. Well-being has five measurable elements (PERMA) that count toward it:
- Positive emotion (of which happiness and life satisfaction are all aspects)
- Engagement
- Relationships
- Meaning
- Achievement
No element defines well-being, but each contributes to it.”
That’s the formula of well-being. If you want to flourish and live your best life, you should keep it in mind. And put into practice ☺
Actually, we highly recommend watching Seligman’s video where he explains PERMA:
Let’s look at some PERMA elements and practical ideas on how to put them into practice.
Character strengths and virtues
“In authentic happiness theory, the strengths and virtues—kindness, social intelligence, humor, courage, integrity, and the like (there are twenty-four of them)—are the supports for engagement. You go into flow when your highest strengths are deployed to meet the highest challenges that come your way. In well-being theory, these twenty-four strengths underpin all five elements, not just engagement: deploying your highest strengths leads to more positive emotion, to more meaning, to more accomplishment, and to better relationships.”
Want more well-being in your life? Own your signature strengths and find more frequent uses for them.
For this, Seligman offers the signature strengths exercise:
- Take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths on www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu (or here www.viacharacter.org).
- Review the top five strengths and ask yourself, “Is it a signature strength?”.
- Exercise one or two strengths every week in a new way, either at work or at home, or at leisure (block some time in your calendar for that to ensure it happens)
- Reflect on your experience: write down how you felt before, during and after engaging in the activity? Was it challenging or easy? Did time pass quickly (were you in flow?)? Would you like to repeat the exercise?
Question for you – what are your top 5 strengths? How can you put those strengths into action?
In the book, Seligman also shares his reflections on parenting and teaching well-being to children. He suggests focusing more on building our kids’ strengths rather than correcting their weaknesses. You can encourage your child to take the signature survey and help them find different ways to put those strengths into action.
P.S.: Lea Waters wrote an amazing book The Strength Switch, where she teaches us how to parents can apply this wisdom at home to raise resilient and optimistic children – check out our notes for more.
What-Went-Well Exercise
“Every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well. You may use a journal or your computer to write about events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote. The three things need not be earthshaking in importance (“My husband picked up my favorite ice cream for dessert on the way home from work today”), but they can be important (“My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy”).
Next to each positive event, answer the question “Why did this happen?” For example, if you wrote that your husband picked up ice cream, write “because my husband is really thoughtful sometimes” or “because I remembered to call him from work and remind him to stop by the grocery store.” Or if you write, “My sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy,” you might pick as the cause “God was looking out for her” or “She did everything right during her pregnancy.”
Writing about why the positive events in your life happened may seem awkward at first, but please stick with it for one week. It will get easier. The odds are that you will be less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”
For evolutionary reasons, we are wired to notice and analyse bad events in the first place. We needed this ability to think about the worse to be better prepared for a disaster. That was our ancestor key for survival. Therefore, it’s so hard for many people to focus on good events in their life.
However, studies suggest that if we deliberately focus our attention on positive things in life, we feel happier, more optimistic, and more hopeful. In short, it is a proven strategy to increase our well-being. Seligman says that it is a skill that everyone can learn. We have the power to rewire our brains and boost our happiness level.
Seligman also writes that the what-went-well exercise proved to be an effective intervention for people suffering from depression: those who practised it together with the signature strengths exercise (mentioned above) markedly lowered their depression level.
Now your turn: what went well today and why?
Kindness Exercise
“…we scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested.”
Want to feel a boost of happiness? Do good things for others – whether friends or strangers, small or big acts, planned or spontaneously, directly or anonymously. If feels soooo good!
Action for you – think of one act of kindness you can do tomorrow and just do it ☺
And teach your children to be kind to others – it will help them tremendously in life.
Turning a Good Relationship Into an Excellent One
“Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, has demonstrated that how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. People we care about often tell us about a victory, a triumph, and less momentous good things that happen to them. How we respond can either build the relationship or undermine it.”
Seligman writes that there are four basic ways of responding to other people wins, but the only one that builds relationships is active and constructive responding.
Imagine your child comes back home and says: “I won a swimming competition today!” How would you respond?
- “That’s fantastic! Congratulations! Tell me how did it go. And let me know how would you like to celebrate.” (+ nonverbal: maintaining eye contact and expressing positive emotions – smiling, touching, laughing). That’s the active and constructive response, which would help you connect with your child and build relationships.
- “Cool. Well done.” (+ nonverbal: little or no emotional expression). Passive and constructive. Doesn’t help much.
- “Well, what about your maths? You should focus on your school more than on sports.” (+ nonverbal: expressing negative emotions). Active and destructive. How would you feel if someone responded to you in this manner?
- “Wash your hands. Dinner is ready.” Passive and destructive. Don’t use it. Ever.
Active and constructive responding is a skill, so take every opportunity to practice it: “listen carefully each time someone you care about tells you about something good that happened to them. Go out of your way to respond actively and constructively.”
A Case For Teaching Well-Being in Schools
“Two good reasons that well-being should be taught in schools are the current flood of depression and the nominal increase in happiness over the last two generations. A third reason is that greater well-being enhances learning, the traditional goal of education. Positive mood produces broader attention, more creative thinking, and more holistic thinking.”
Every child deserves to flourish. If we focus on teaching children all well-being aspects (PERMA), we give them the best possible start in life. Seligman shares his research and success stories in the book on how his Penn Resiliency Program and The Positive Psychology Program helped children and young adults.
That is so inspiring. And that’s a great case to start teaching your child the basic positive psychology principles at home (as most schools would not). How? Start each day (or maybe dinner) with the “What-went-well?” exercise. Talk about character strengths and virtues at home and help your kids exercise them in day-to-day life. Teach them kindness.
The Secret Ingredient of Success
“So if your goal is higher achievement for yourself or your child, what should you do?
Not much is known about how to build the first factor: speeding up thought. What speed accomplishes, however, is knowledge; the faster you are, the more knowledge you acquire and put on automatic for each unit of time you spend practicing. Hence, spending more time on the task will build achievement. So even if your child is not innately gifted, deliberate practice will help enormously by building his knowledge base. Practice, practice, practice.”
Grit and deliberate practice. Seligman dedicated the whole chapter to Angela Duckworth’s work. Because it is so helpful to understand the magic behind success.
Here is Angela’s formula as a reminder:
“talent x effort = skill
skill x effort = achievement”
Check out our notes on Grit to learn more about how you can help your children develop the trait of successful people.
Seligman also draws on Adele Diamond’s research on executive function. She argues that “the failure of children to control their fast emotional and cognitive impulses is the seed crystal around which the cascade of school failure begins.” Remember also Walter Mischel’s classic Marshmallow experiment? Children who couldn’t resist temptation did poorly on tests (and also later in life). Here you go.
The good news is that self-control (executive function) is a skill every child can develop. Basically, we need to teach the child “to go slow”, as Seligman puts it. A scientifically proven tool for it? Tools of the Mind, developed by Deborah Leong and Elena Bodrova (check out their website or the book for more information).
High Level of Well-Being = Better Health
“I conclude that optimism is robustly associated with cardiovascular health, and pessimism with cardiovascular risk. I conclude that positive mood is associated with protection from colds and flu, and negative mood with greater risk for colds and flu. I conclude that highly optimistic people may have a lower risk for developing cancer. I conclude that healthy people who have good psychological well-being are at less risk for death from all causes.”
That’s powerful.
Why is it so? Because optimists are more likely to take action, choose healthier lifestyles and in general take better care of themselves. Also, they have more social support (which means more love and more friends in their lives). And at the same time, biologically, optimists secrete less of the inflammatory substance, and therefore their immune system works effectively, protecting them from colds.
Be an optimist ☺ Or LEARN how to be an optimist. And nurture an optimistic outlook in your child.
Action steps for you:
1) Take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths on www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu (or here www.viacharacter.org) and do the Character Strengths exercise. And be an example for your children: talk about the virtues, notice them in day to day life, brainstorm on how you can put them into practice. Also, for older children, consider encouraging them to do the Character Strengths exercise themselves.
2) Practice the What-Went-Well exercise daily. In your journal, you can write down 3 things that went well today and reflect on WHY they went well. Or you can make this exercise a part of your meditation. You can also teach children to focus their attention on good things by asking them a simple question during dinner or before sleep “What went well today?”.
3) Be kind. Try to pick one day a week to do extra few generous acts of kindness and gradually make it a habit. Nurture kindness in your children.
Quotes From The Book:
