If you can dream it, you can do it.
Walt Disney
We all love dreaming and making wishes. However, we are also growing up with the idea that there is some magic behind making your dearest wishes come true. Blowing candles on your birthday cake? Make a wish! Saw a shooting star? Make a wish! New moon? Right time for making your vision board and manifesting your dreams (don’t forget about feng shui and the right colour of candles).
In my childhood, I made wishes on any occasion, but as far as I remember, most of them didn’t come true. Disappointment. Ok, I could live without a unicorn, but a simple A for the final math exam? At some point, I even thought, why to even make a wish if it would never come true? Does magic even exist? And technically this is how we all often stop making wishes and dreaming (except those who continue to believe in magic).
Science says that having dreams is essential for success. So we all need to dream big. But to fulfil our dreams, we also need to dream RIGHT. And if we help our children to dream right from early childhood, they would grow up as adults who pursue their dreams and succeed at them. Let’s talk today about the fascinating science behind turning your wishes and dreams into reality.
No magic, just real stuff ☺
Why should we dream
Most of the children dream big. They are simply genetically wired to do so. They don’t dream small because they don’t even think about all those limitations that hold us, adults, back. For example, our five-year-old son Max just wrote a letter to Santa (spelling and punctuation by the author):
Santa can I have a swimming pool at home so coronavirus disappear and quit.
Max, 5
Not sure how a swimming pool and coronavirus are connected, but anyway Santa will be so struggling this year!
Dreams are the things we want to either experience or have in life. They let us think beyond current reality and help us to focus on developing our life purpose and passion. And science says that if you have a passion and purpose in life and moving toward fulfilling YOUR dreams, you are more likely to be happy and successful.
The future belongs to those, who believe in the beauty of their dreams
Eleanor Roosevelt
Moreover, when you look at history, every person who’s achieved anything which seemed impossible had big aspirational dreams before they became their reality.
That’s why it is important to encourage our children to dream and make wishes! And our job is to teach them that there is no magic behind fulfilling their dreams – everything is in their hands and heads (growth mindset style ☺)
The surprising truth about making your wishes come true
Gabriele Oettingen is one of the world’s leading experts in “The New Science of Motivation.” She has spent more than 20 years studying how dreams come true.
In her fascinating book “Rethinking Positive Thinking” (check out our notes) she summarises years of research and tells us that simple visualisation of your dreams or wishes (vision/dream board style) does not work! Dreams come true mostly when you “rub them up against reality”:
“…the obstacles that we think most impede us from realising our deepest wishes can actually hasten their fulfillment”
We are often told that we just need to manifest our dreams and visualise success (remember, for example, “The secret”?). Oettinger started her research to prove the point, but she was surprised by the results – if you are merely dreaming and visualising just positive outcome and success, you are less likely to act to achieve your dream!
I guess that’s the answer why most of my childhood wishes didn’t come true. See a shooting star → make a wish → sink into positive fantasies → believe in magic ☺ Eh…Where is the action?
Oettingen writes:
“My research has confirmed that merely dreaming about the future makes people less likely to realise their dreams and wishes (as does dwelling on the obstacles in their path). There are multiple reasons why dreaming detached from an awareness of reality doesn’t cut it. The pleasurable act of dreaming seems to let us fulfil our wishes in our minds, sapping our energy to perform the hard work of meeting the challenges in real life.”
Magic of WOOP – a science-based guide on how to dream right
Now you know – dreaming and making wishes is not all it’s cracked up to be ☺ Just dreaming and visualising the best outcome will not help you to fulfil your dearest wishes. Facing the obstacles and creating a plan on how to overcome them – this is what turns dreamers into doers.
So. How to make wishes, so they come true?
Oettinger and her husband Peter M. Gollwitzer created a simple scientifically proven tool, which you can use in all life circumstances to make your wishes come true. They’ve called WOOP: Wish + Outcome + Obstacle + Plan.
Wish: what do you want in your life? Think of a dream (or a smaller wish) that feels exciting and challenging, but at the same time achievable in a given period (year, month, week, day?)
Outcome: what is the number 1 benefit you associate with fulfilling your dream? Visualise it. Feel it. Get fired up about it.
Obstacle: what is the most critical obstacle that prevents you from fulfilling your dream (importantly, that must be an internal obstacle – behaviour, habits, beliefs; dig deeper to make sure you are addressing a critical challenge for you). Basically, what holds you back? Get prepared to face it. Anticipate the challenges.
Plan: what is the number 1 thing you can do to overcome your obstacle? “If obstacle X occurs (when and where), then I will perform behaviour Y”. Prepare a plan to deal with the anticipated challenges.
And importantly – teach WOOP to your children:
“A number of studies described in this book indicate that mental contrasting and WOOP help children regulate their efforts to achieve wishes better. In some respects, children have a huge advantage over adults in learning and working with this tool.”
Children have a very plastic brain, and you as a parent can help them to learn the WOOP tool so they could program their mind for success since childhood.
You can WOOP literally anything! It is a scientifically validated tool, and you can apply it to any goal in all areas of your life.
Maybe you want to spend more time each day with your children, or lose a few kilos, or start a new business. Whatever your goal is…If you can dream it, you can WOOP it!
Here is a WOOP exercise from “Rethinking positive thinking” book for you which you can practice today (and every day):
“On a blank sheet of paper, name the wish in three to six words. Identify the best outcome (also in three to six words) and write it down. Now let your thoughts lead your pen, taking as much paper as you need. Then name your obstacle and write it down. Imagine the obstacle, again letting your thoughts wander and lead your writing. To create a plan, first, write down one specific action you can take to overcome the obstacle. Write down the time and place where you believe the obstacle will arise. Then write down the if-then plan: ‘If obstacle x occurs (when and where), then I will perform behaviour y.’ Repeat it once to yourself out loud.”
Save this WOOP reminder card to help you and your child fulfilling your dearest wishes.
In the meantime, questions for today: What is your dream (or a wish)? What holds you back from achieving it? Think about it & WOOP it!
Loads of love,
Irina & Dawid
