I’m a mum of three, a wife and an entrepreneur. That means I often wake up well before the rest of my family -before the house stirs, before the first tiny footsteps hit the floor – to squeeze in a little reading, meditation, or focused work. You know, the kind of stuff that highly efficient people swear by.

So picture this.

It’s 6:30 a.m. I’m in the middle of my deep work block, completely absorbed, not expecting anyone to interrupt me until at least 7. And then I hear the soft pitter-patter of little feet coming my way.

“Mummy, do you want to play with me?”

“I do, sweetheart, but I’m really busy right now. Maybe you can go play with your brother upstairs?”

“No… I want to play with you.”

I paused. Took a breath. Something in his voice made me stop typing.

“I really have to finish some work now, darling…”

“I just want to be next to you, Mummy.”

That’s when it hit me. He wasn’t asking to play. Hi didn’t need a play buddy. He was asking for connection. For closeness.

Recognising Your Child’s Emotional Needs

So I shifted.

“Would you like to sit next to me while I work on my laptop?”

“Yeah.”

And he did. Quietly. For 15 whole minutes. Just sitting there, next to me. And then we went off to play.

But that moment lingered in my mind. I kept thinking about my automatic response – how quick I was to brush him off.

Would You Say That to a Friend?

And then I imagined having a similar conversation with a friend:

“Irina, do you want to grab a coffee after drop-off for a quick catch-up?”

“I’d love to, but I need to run home. Maybe go with Anna instead – there she is!”

That would feel so wrong. So dismissive. I’d never respond to a friend like that.

I’d probably say:

“I’d love to, but I have a call in the morning. How about later this week? Maybe tomorrow morning?”

Because I know what my friend really wants isn’t coffee. It’s connection – with me.

And yet, I said something very different to my child.

Final Thoughts: When Boundaries Become Brush-Offs

We hear it all the time: set boundaries with your kids. And yes – boundaries matter. Life is busy, and without them, nothing gets done. But here’s the danger: a boundary can start to sound an awful lot like a brush-off. And if you’re not listening closely, you’ll miss the difference.

Children rarely say, “I feel sad and need your comfort.” Instead, they say, “Will you play with me?”

It’s not always about Lego, Barbies and train tracks. It’s about the closeness, the reassurance that we’re there.

And often, we can do both. We can acknowledge the need and meet it – at least in part – even if we can’t stop everything.

But if we keep brushing off those small bids for connection day in and day out – because there’s work to do, dinner to cook, laundry to fold – something quiet begins to shift. The gap grows, little by little. Until one day, your child becomes a teenager, and the space between you feels so wide that your voice no longer reaches them.

And it all started with “Not now,” repeated just a few too many times.

Let it sink in.