Grit For Kids
16 Top Steps For Developing Grit, Passion, Willpower, And Perseverance In Kids For Self-Confidence And a Successful Life
Lee David Daniels
Independently published (18 May 2017)
About Lee David Daniels
Lee David Daniels is a #1 bestselling author who writes books that focus on parenting, relationships, and career improvement. He believes that success in these areas is achievable by anyone as long as consistent action is taken with the goal of persevering despite all obstacles. Lee resides in Bucks County PA, USA where he spends most of his time writing, being happily married for over 20 years, and raising two boys. He is the author of Grit for Kids, Grit for Couples, and an illustrated series Around the World on a Kangaroo. With a deep passion for helping others, building life skills, and inspiring others to take charge of their lives, he is committed to a path of consistent and life-long self-improvement.
About The Book
“People that have grit are extraordinarily resilient and are willing to put in the effort to get things done. The reason they are motivated to do so is that they are driven by an overriding purpose. […]
Grit is more endurance than strength. Grit is about working on something you care about so much that you’re willing to see it through to completion. It is not a chase of one shiny object after another but a commitment to be on a steady course.”
Angela Duckworth’s Grit changed the way I think about success. Her research shows that talent matters, but effort matters more. The people who succeed aren’t always the smartest—they’re the ones who keep going when things get hard.
Naturally, I started wondering: How do I teach this to my kids? That’s when I found Grit for Kids by Lee David Daniels.
This book takes Duckworth’s insights and turns them into a practical guide for parents. It’s short, straightforward, and packed with real-life examples. Each chapter ends with coaching questions, so you can immediately apply what you’ve learned.
Here are the key takeaways.
Key Insights
How to Develop Grit
First, let’s get something straight. Grit isn’t just about working hard—it’s about sticking with things long enough to get good at them. Angela Duckworth, in her book Grit, breaks it down into a simple formula:
Passion + Perseverance = Grit
Why does this matter? Because grit is the bridge between talent and achievement. Duckworth lays it out like this:
Talent × Effort = Skill
Skill × Effort = Achievement
“Effort builds skill. At the very same time, effort makes skill productive.”
© Angela Duckworth
So how do we develop grit? Two ways:
- Inside out – By nurturing interests, practicing deliberately, and connecting effort to a greater purpose.
- Outside in – By surrounding kids with people who challenge and support them—parents, teachers, coaches, mentors.
This second method is where we come in. Kids need the right mix of challenge and psychological support. They need to stick with extracurricular activities for at least two years (no quitting the second things get tough). And they need to grow up in a culture where grit is the norm.
Want another formula? Duckworth was a management consultant turned math teacher before becoming a top psychologist, so she loves breaking things into equations. To build grit from the inside out, you need:
Interest + Practice + Purpose + Hope
I go deeper into this in The Science of Grit – How to Turn Passion into Success. And if you’re curious about a simple, research-backed way to instill grit in your kids, check out The Hard Thing Rule – How to Develop Grit.
For now, let’s focus on the practical steps Lee David Daniels suggests.
16 Steps to Develop Grit
In the book, Lee lays out 16 practical steps parents can take to help their kids develop grit. Each chapter dives into a specific strategy, complete with coaching questions to help you put these ideas into action.
Here’s a quick look at these steps—think of them as a roadmap for raising resilient, determined kids. If you want to go deeper, grab the book, because the coaching questions at the end of each chapter make this an actionable guide, not just theory.
1. Encourage Passion
Grit starts with passion. Kids are far more likely to persevere if they care about what they’re doing. Instead of pushing them into activities you think they should do, help them explore different interests and discover what excites them. Passion isn’t found overnight—it develops over time through exposure, experimentation, and encouragement.
2. Teach Self-Control
“The ability to stay resilient is very much dependent on managing the negative emotions that will spring up for your children as they attempt to reach their goals.”
Teaching self-control means helping kids strengthen their impulse-control muscles, manage frustration and other negative emotions, and stay focused on long-term goals. Check out our notes on Help Your Child Deal With Stress – and Thrive by Stuart Shanker for practical strategies.
3. Downplay Negativity
There will always be naysayers and negative influences in your child’s life. Our goal is to teach them not to be dragged down by negativity but to build resilience against criticism, discouragement, or even bullying. If you need some practical tools, check out our notes on Tamar Chansky’s great book Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking.
4. Teach Self-Respect
Grit isn’t just about pushing forward—it’s also about knowing your worth and being assertive. Kids with self-respect believe they deserve success and are willing to work for it. Encourage them to recognize their own talents, make them feel loved unconditionally, and teach them assertiveness skills.
5. Teach Respect for Others
Grit isn’t a solo journey. Teaching kids to respect others and practice empathy—whether with teammates, teachers, or opponents—helps them build strong relationships and a sense of community.
6. Encourage Curiosity
Curiosity fuels persistence. The more kids want to understand something, the more likely they are to keep working at it. Encourage them to ask questions, explore different viewpoints, and try new activities. Curiosity leads to discovery, and discovery builds long-term engagement. For practical ideas, check out our article The Power of Curiosity – How to Keep the Fire Burning.
7. Figure Out Who They Really Are
Gritty kids have a sense of identity—they know what matters to them and what they stand for. Help your kids reflect on their strengths, interests, and values. When they have a clear understanding of themselves, they’ll be more motivated to pursue meaningful goals. I highly recommend checking out our notes on The Strength Switch by positive psychologist Lea Waters—it’s a fantastic guide on helping kids discover who they truly are.
8. Make a Plan
Dreams without plans are just wishes. Teach kids goal setting techniques and show them how to break big goals into smaller, manageable steps. Whether it’s improving in a sport, learning an instrument, or excelling in school, they need a clear plan that shows how consistent effort leads to progress.
9. Follow the Process
Grit isn’t about instant results—it’s about trusting the process. Help kids focus on what they can control: their effort, their habits, and their daily actions. Encourage them to stay committed to routines and put in consistent effort, even when progress feels slow. Need a good tool for that? Start running weekly Family Meetings and set up a Family Board to track goals.
10. Celebrate Little Wins
Big achievements are built on small victories. Teaching kids to recognize and celebrate their progress—no matter how small—keeps them motivated. Acknowledging effort, rather than just results, reinforces the idea that growth happens through persistence.
11. Teach to Expect Setbacks
Setbacks aren’t a matter of if—they’re a matter of when. Kids who expect challenges are more likely to push through them. Teach them that failure is part of success and that every struggle is an opportunity to learn and improve. Cue: Growth Mindset! I also highly recommend checking out our article Fail to Succeed for motivation.
12. Get Them to Apply Lessons Learned
Experience is the best teacher—if you actually learn from it. Encourage kids to reflect on their past mistakes and apply those lessons moving forward. Ask questions like: What went wrong? What would you do differently next time? This turns failures into stepping stones rather than roadblocks. Again, growth mindset style!
13. Guide in Decision-Making
Good decision-making is a key ingredient of grit. Teach kids how to weigh their options, think critically, and take responsibility for their choices. And, of course, provide them with more opportunities to practice decision-making!
14. Stick to What’s Really Important
There’s a difference between busyness and focus. Help kids prioritize what’s truly important so they don’t spread themselves too thin. Teach them that true grit isn’t about saying yes to everything—it’s about staying committed to the things that align with their goals and values. Journaling and meditation are great techniques for practicing focus.
15. Show Them How To Do It
Kids don’t just listen to what we say—they watch what we do. The best way to teach grit is to model it yourself. Let them see you set goals, push through challenges, and stay committed even when things get tough. Your actions will speak louder than any lecture. But also, take the time to share your journey—talk about the challenges you’re facing, how you’re overcoming them, and the lessons you’re learning along the way.
16. Take Care of Their Health
Resilience isn’t just mental—it’s physical too. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise all play a huge role in a child’s ability to stay focused and motivated. A well-rested, well-nourished child (and adult!) has the energy and mental clarity needed to push through challenges. And yes, be a good role model!
Action Step For You
1) Try the Hard Thing Rule: The Hard Thing Rule teaches kids perseverance by committing to an activity that requires sustained effort—whether it’s learning an instrument, playing a sport, or mastering a skill. The rule is simple: everyone in the family picks a challenging activity and sticks with it for a set period before deciding to quit. This prevents impulsive quitting, helps kids push through frustration, and shows them that progress comes with effort. Lead by example by choosing your own hard thing and discussing challenges together as a family.
2) Help Your Child Develop Interests: To help kids develop passion, expose them to different activities, watch for natural curiosity, and encourage exploration without pressure. Remind them that no one is great at something right away and that persistence leads to progress.
3) Pick One of the 16 Steps and Focus on It Next Week: Instead of tackling everything at once, choose one of the 16 steps from Grit for Kids and apply it for a week. Make it simple—talk about it, model it, and track progress together.
Quotes From The Book
“Children have within them seeds of interest and their own ability. It’s up to us as parents to nurture these abilities and be responsive to their needs.”
“Make sure you’re not pushing them to be like you, or making them follow your dreams and goals. Ultimately, it should be their goals that you hold the high standard to.”
“The best way to encourage grit, it seems, is by encouraging your kids to get involved with something that benefits themselves and others at the same time. In studies that followed kids for two years, it has been shown that children that were doing an activity with both self and other oriented motives mentioned that schoolwork was more meaningful. As the people that guide and nurture your children, you can cultivate interest in activities that accomplish both motives.”
“Children that learn to overcome stress become more resilient and no longer feel helpless later in life.”
“Ask yourself, how much purpose and grit you have for your own goals. Then examine if your parenting style inspires your child to imitate you. If the answer to this question is “a lot,” and you find your child copying your best habits, congratulations! You’re already parenting for grit.”
“The key driver of developing Grit in your kids is passion for an activity. Help your children in discovering their passion and increase their chance for success by developing top-level goals. A top-level goal is something your child does just because he wants to. It is the end destination on the map.”
