Jordan Peterson is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. And although some of his ideas may not resonate with many people, Peterson’s child-rearing principles are deeply rooted in science and will be handy for every parent.

In this article, we want to share four lessons from Jordan Peterson’s bestselling book 12 Rules for Life that will help you become a better parent and raise confident and responsible children.

Lesson Number 1: Set limits and discipline your child. 

Have you ever seen a really misbehaving child and thought, “I would never let my kid do this!” Yep, we’ve all been there. 

For example:

I don’t like bullies (well, who does?!).

I don’t like kids who throw food around (or run with food around the house – yeek).

I don’t like children who don’t listen to me or ignore what I’m saying.

So with our boys, I always try to follow Peterson’s rule number five: “do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them”. 

In the book, he writes:

“Children must be shaped and informed, or they cannot thrive. This fact is reflected starkly in their behaviour: kids are utterly desperate for attention from both peers and adults because such attention, which renders them effective and sophisticated communal players, is vitally necessary… Children are damaged when those charged with their care, are afraid of any conflict or upset, no longer dare to correct them, and leave them without guidance.”

Jordan Peterson teaches us that our greatest responsibility as parents is to help our kids become socially desirable human beings, so both peers and adults would be happy to interact with them. As simple as that. 

That means we must invest time and energy in teaching our children how to behave and help them develop self-regulation skills. And it inevitably includes discipline and setting clear limits and boundaries (and loads of patience, I must say).

The big idea here is that by disciplining a child, we teach him and help him build essential life skills. And guess what? If we are consistent, over time, there will be less need for discipline because a child will become more self-disciplined — a win-win situation.

So take responsibility for disciplining your children, set clear limits and boundaries and help them build positive character.

Lesson Number 2: Use positive reinforcement as a discipline tool.

Although Peterson mentions punishment as an effective discipline tool (which caused a lot of mixed reactions on the internet), he is a strong advocate of positive reinforcement. 

He teaches us that rewarding a child with our attention focused on the behaviour which we want to see is the most powerful discipline tool:

“You can teach virtually anything with such an approach. First, figure out what you want. Then, watch the people around you like a hawk. Finally, whenever you see anything a bit more like what you want, swoop in (hawk, remember) and deliver a reward. Your daughter has been very reserved since she became a teenager. You wish she would talk more. That’s the target: more communicative daughter. One morning, over breakfast, she shares an anecdote about school. That’s an excellent time to pay attention. That’s the reward. Stop texting, and listen. Unless you don’t want her to tell you anything ever again.”

Where attention goes, energy flows. Proved by science. Works with any human being.

We try to use this approach at home with our boys, and it is very effective (although requires loads of mindfulness and attention). Real positive discipline in action. 

Lesson Number 3: You’ve got little kids only for four years. Don’t miss it. Or you’ll regret it.

I’ve got goosebumps typing it. 

Jordan Peterson warns us – the first four years of our child’s life are crucial. That’s the time when our kids need us most. That’s when we sow the seeds of the right mindset, help them develop essential socio-emotional skills and install an internal compass for navigating this complex world. 

You have to invest your time and effort. Otherwise, you’ll regret later. Watch this short video where Peterson talks about it – super powerful message:

“Lots of things in life you don’t get to do more than once.”

Raising a child is one of them.

And although 4-5 years may seem like an eternity for many parents, it’s not a long time from a long-term perspective. So if you build a strong foundation during the early years, it’s a life-long benefit for both you and your child.

Be present. Connect. And always remember Peterson’s rule number five ☺

Lesson Number 4: Help children build resilience.

If you ask us to summarise Jordan Peterson’s philosophy in one sentence, it would probably be this:

Our world is tough and full of pain, but if you take responsibility for your life and find meaning in your existence, you can minimize your suffering and live a fulfilling life. 

So as parents, we are responsible for helping our kids develop resilience and skills to help them face all the realities of life in the future.

Peterson distils his ideas on resilience building in rule number 11: Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

“When untrammelled – and encouraged – we prefer to live on the edge. There, we can still be both confident in our experience and confronting the chaos that helps us develop. We’re hard-wired, for that reason, to enjoy risk (some of us more than others). We feel invigorated and excited when we work to optimize our future performance, while playing in the present. Otherwise we lumber around, sloth-like, unconscious, unformed and careless. Overprotected, we will fail when something dangerous, unexpected and full of opportunity suddenly makes its appearance, as it inevitably will.”

The main enemy of resilience? Overprotection and overparenting! 

Peterson writes:

“Too much protection devastates the developing soul.”

Here are two takeaways for every parent on this:

1. Let children engage in risky play; 

2. Do not interfere in their conflicts with peers (this is especially important for boys). 

That will help kids “toughen up” and become strong and confident adults.

Final thoughts

Having read tons of parenting and self-development books, we can confidently say that these four ideas are deeply rooted in scientific research and often come up in literature.

So whether you are a big fan of Jordan Peterson or have a totally polar opinion on his ideas, these four principles will definitely make you a better parent. 

Question for you – which of Jordan Peterson’s parenting lessons resonated with you the most? We would love to read your comments below!

Loads of love,

Irina and Dawid

P.S.: In 12 Rules for Life, Peterson also shares his nine rules for kids, and we think they are brilliant:

“Do not bite, kick or hit, except in self-defence. Do not torture and bully other children, so you don’t end up in jail. Eat in a civilized and thankful manner, so that people are happy to have you at their house, and pleased to feed you. Learn to share, so other kids will play with you. Pay attention when spoken to by adults, so they don’t hate you and might therefore deign to teach you something. Go to sleep properly, and peaceably, so that your parents can have a private life and not resent your existence. Take care of your belongings, because you need to learn how and because you’re lucky to have them. Be good company when something fun is happening, so that you’re invited for the fun. Act so that other people are happy you’re around, so that people will want you around. A child who knows these rules will be welcome everywhere.”

I guess every parent can relate 😉