Happy parents raise happy kids. And happy kids are more likely to become successful in life. So it all starts with us, parents! And if you want your children to flourish in life, it could be a good idea to work on amplifying your happiness level as a first step.
How Can We Become Lastingly Happier?
We all wish to live a truly happy life, smile to the world every day and enjoy every moment of our lives. How can we become lastingly happier and experience more joy on a daily basis?
Like anything else in life, it takes everyday effort and commitment to cultivate lasting happiness. There is no overnight solution for it, nor any quick-fix strategies which would make you forever happy. We need to make permanent changes to our mindset – and that requires effort and everyday work.
Science says that we all can program our mind for a happy life and install this “happiness software” into our children’s head from early childhood. So here we’ve pulled together an actionable plan for you to cultivate a happiness mindset and create a truly happy life, setting a great example for your kids:
- Think about what is happiness and what makes you feel happy. This post may help you to get an idea about the science behind a happy life.
- Identify what holds you back from becoming happier. Check out our post on myths about happiness.
- Practice happiness daily – pick up a science-backed happiness activity from below that works for you the best and gradually install more happiness habits.
- Teach your children the science of happiness and how to practice it
Unfortunately, programming the human mind is not just about pressing “enter” and hoping for a quick fix. It’s all about consistently installing happiness algorithms (habits) into our life. Every day.
Conscious Effort + Consistency = Success
12 Science Backed Ways To Be Happier – Habits of Happy People
“If we observe genuinely happy people, we shall find that they do not just sit around being contented. They make things happen. They pursue new understandings, seek new achievements, and control their thoughts and feelings. In sum, our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are, over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find themselves. If an unhappy person wants to experience interest, enthusiasm, contentment, peace, and joy, he or she can make it happen by learning the habits of a happy person.”
– Sonja Lyubomirsky
So what are the habits of happy people? Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the leading happiness researchers, has been studying what distinguishes happy from unhappy people for decades. In her bestseller “The How of happiness” she offers us more than a dozen effective strategies we can implement into our daily life to uncover the secrets of being happier in the short and long term. Let’s dive in.
1 – Express Gratitude
Happy people are grateful for what they already have. Moreover, according to the research, by expressing gratitude, we can boost our happiness level by 25%.
You can start practicing gratitude by journalling once a week or by expressing it directly to people around you. Check out our post on gratitude to get practical tips on how to practice gratitude and download a gratitude worksheet.
2 – Cultivate Optimism
Happy people are optimists. Building optimism is not only about seeing the best in every situation and anticipating a bright future but also about exactly how you would achieve this future.
You can use a journal to:
- describe “the best possible selves” in the future
- write down your big goals and break them down into sub-goals – basically, create a plan on how to achieve your big goals
- think about the barrier and pessimistic thoughts that hold you back from taking action (basically, WOOP your goals ☺)
3 – Avoid Overthinking and Social Comparison
Happy people are in control of overthinking and ruminating about the problem. At the same time, they are less likely to compare themselves to others.
“People who pay too much attention to social comparisons find themselves chronically vulnerable, threatened, and insecure.”
Don’t let yourself to go into “the maze” of overthinking and social comparison (especially if you are in a bad mood) by using the following strategies:
- Distract yourself from negative thoughts when you are overthinking the problem (e.g. say STOP once you notice you are entering the maze).
- Think from the bigger perspective – will this be important in a year?
- Plan and implement one of the solutions to solve the issue
4 – Practice Acts of Kindness
Happy people are kind – they practice compassion and make others happy. So do good things for others – whether friends or strangers, small or big acts, planned or spontaneously, directly or anonymously. According to scientists, this is one of the most powerful ways to boost your happiness level. To begin with, try to pick one day a week to do extra few generous acts of kindness and gradually make it a habit.
5 – Nurture Relationships
Happy people are more likely to have positive relationships. Moreover, research reveals that social connections are key to happiness. Family, friends, colleagues at work – happy people make an effort to build strong relationships with others.
Pick a relationship that matters for you. Make time and invest energy in cultivation and enjoying time spent together: celebrate successes, express admiration, appreciation and affection and be ready to support when needed.
6 – Develop Strategies for Coping
“That which does not kill me makes me stronger”
– Frederick Nietzsche.
Bad things do happen (c’est la vie), and they may significantly affect one’s mental wellbeing and health in general. But happy people know how to cope with these situations.
Develop strategies for coping with stress, trauma or any other hardship in life. Generate solutions, think about the likely results, implications, choose the one that makes the most sense and ACT on it.
And focus on how it may change you into a better.
7 – Learn to Forgive
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”
– Buddha
Happy people don’t hold the anger toward someone who has hurt them. They know how to forgive, so these negative feelings don’t destroy their happiness.
One of the most effective strategies for practising forgiveness is journaling or writing a letter to a person who has hurt you – focus on letting go all the destructive emotions, like anger and resentment toward that person.
8 – Increase Flow Experiences
Happy people experience more Flow in their life.
Try to seek activities that challenge and engage you, in which you “lose yourself” and time flies. Check out our post on what is Flow and how to experience it more often.
9 – Savour Life’s Joys
Happy people are mindful – they find joy in little things in life and savour the deliciousness of life’s pleasures and wonders.
Keep a journal with the “three good things” that happened each day, and you are grateful for. It is a great way to help you savour joys in your life.
10 – Commit to Your Goals
Happy people have meaningful goals. They choose goals, which are intrinsic, authentic, harmonious, involve approaching a desirable outcome, and at the same time, are flexible and appropriate.
Write down the most significant goal (or few goals) that has a deep meaning to you and create an action plan for achieving it.
Interestingly, research also says that if we pursue an activity goal (joining dance classes, learning a new language, etc), we are more likely to boost our happiness level.
11 – Practice Religion and Spirituality
Religious people are healthier, happier and more resilient. Spiritual connections make people feel respected, appreciated, and being mentally stronger, perhaps because of the social connections they get through their community, shared identity and lifestyle.
12 – Take Care of Your Body: Meditation + Physical Activity + Act Like a Happy Person
“Exercise may very well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all activities”
– Sonja Lyubomirsky
Happy people are physically active – exercise 3 times a week of around 45 min to boost your happiness level.
The research also suggests that mindfulness, meditation, and acting like a happy person (e.g. smiling and laughing) profoundly affect our wellbeing.
How To Practice Happiness Activities?
“If you’re not happy today, then you won’t be happy tomorrow unless you take things into your own hands and take action.”
– Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Apparently, you don’t need to do ALL of the above to become a “forever happy” person. Like with any habit, start small– pick an activity from the list above which inspires you and brings more joy. But stay committed to it and put effort into it. Action is the key. Don’t sit and wait for an opportunity to practice happiness.
For example, if you decide to start with Acts of Kindness, try to do something nice (but small) every day – hold the door open, give a compliment to a teacher, offer help to someone and so on. Don’t try to save the world from COVID-19 straight away (though it would be nice and will make loads of people happy).
The idea is to start small (maybe really ridiculously small) and gradually build your happiness habit. And then add more activities if you need to.
You can also engage your children in the process – maybe you can practice happiness together? Or start a happiness quest?
Question for you – which strategy would you choose to use today?
As always, we look forward to reading your thoughts below in comments.
Cheers to a happy life!
Loads of love,
Irina and Dawid
