Have you ever found yourself completely engrossed in a task, so much so that you lost all sense of time?
Yesterday, we witnessed our 5-year-old son Max constructing an incredible “aqua park” using magnetic blocks. With intense concentration, he built swimming pools, slides, playrooms, and strategically positioned Lego people throughout “the park.” He was completely absorbed in his creation, unfazed by his younger brother’s attempts to gain his attention by tossing toys at him. Max was in flow.
So what is flow?
Flow is that remarkable state of mind where you are fully absorbed in what you’re doing. Time seems to fly by, and your focus becomes so intense that you are oblivious to everything happening around you. And let me tell you, it feels incredible! Did you know that you can experience flow in almost any activity?
One of our favourite books which have changed our approach to life and parenting is Flow: The Psychology of Happiness by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (check out the notes). He is one of the key world’s researchers studying the science of happiness, creativity and well being. In fact, he is the father of the Positive Psychology movement and was the first one to identify and research flow, and its role in all aspects of human life.
Throughout his research, Csikszentmihalyi asked thousands of individuals to describe how they felt when they were performing at their best. The responses varied, with phrases like “I felt like I was floating” or “I was carried away by the flow.” From these accounts, the concept of flow was born.
Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as:
A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.
How to get into flow?
Research suggests that engaging in activities that challenge us at a level corresponding to our skills can lead to the experience of flow and increase our happiness.
Let’s visualize the idea of flow with a simple graph.
On the x-axis, there is our Skill level. The y-axis represents our Challenge level.
Every activity we undertake falls somewhere on this graph, depending on how challenging it is for us and how well our skills match the task.
If the challenge is high while our skills are low, we may experience anxiety. Conversely, if our skills are high but the challenge is low, we might become bored.
The sweet spot, the ideal place to be, is within the “Flow Channel.” This is where our skill level aligns with the challenge level, leading us to experience flow and experience the greatest happiness.
For instance, let’s say you decide to learn how to draw. Initially, you may possess basic doodling skills. As you begin experimenting with different shapes and colors or following simple YouTube tutorials (that’s what we do when our boys ask us to draw McQueen ☺), you are operating within the flow channel. The challenge matches your skills. You are in flow.
Over time, as you improve your drawing skills, they may surpass the challenge, leading to boredom. What do you do in such a situation? You can seek out more challenging tasks, such as trying different drawing techniques or tackling more complex subjects.
Alternatively, you might decide to take on the monumental task of drawing a copy of the Mona Lisa. However, since your skills are not yet at the level required to meet the challenge, you may struggle, ruining canvas after canvas, until your anxiety levels escalate to the point where you lose your flow (and your sanity). To regain your flow in this scenario, you can either choose a less demanding goal or gradually improve your skills until they match the challenge of recreating the Mona Lisa.
You see, the mechanism is quite simple. Next time if you are feeling bored while doing something, increase the level of Challenge. Or if you feel anxious, decrease the Challenge a bit and/or increase your Skill.
Do you want to introduce more flow into your life and elevate your happiness level?
Here are four simple steps to get you started:
- Set a goal that captures your attention,
- Make this goal challenging enough (remember the Flow Channel),
- Eliminate distractions (shall we remind you about your phone?)
- Allow yourself to be fully immersed in the experience.
Flow. Enjoy. Be happy.
Loads of love,
Irina & Dawid
